Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
