We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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