Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
