i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize