Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
