And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
