...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
