Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
