fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
