You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
