i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
