Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
this just has baby written all over it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
two words: eviction party
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
