Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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