Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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