haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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