I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
