this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
