One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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