I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
