Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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