You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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