between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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