I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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