you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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