I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
