just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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