I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize