Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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