He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
