Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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