So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
