is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize