I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
