dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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