Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
