respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
