I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
