i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm really busy with my period
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