In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
