she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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