i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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