I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
