ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
