I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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