If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
