I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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