If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize