just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
