how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
