Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i think i have two assholes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
