in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
