Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You took a bar mat shot.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
