I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
