I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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