I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
