ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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