it wasn't lemon gatorade
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
