Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
