Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
