so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
