What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
