but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
