she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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