you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
