I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
