I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
