She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
