someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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