Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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