Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
