There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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