I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
