I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
