Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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