I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
