covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you had me at cake vodka
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
