3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
