Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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