I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
