If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
