So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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