put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm both gender and math confused
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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