break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Randomize
