I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
