last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
