Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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