i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i wish my penis had a tongue
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
