I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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